After spending the last 8 years breaking out my comfort zone and taking responsibility for my own life. I go to a point where I realised that to be my most confident, best self and raise my internal self esteem, I would have to face my fears and go after what I truly want in life. I now feel I have very much integrated such practices now.
Life wasn’t always this way though…
Journey of Self Discovery, looking differently externally but mainly feel different internally (Picture above)
1. Life in the comfort zone – Left out and always wanting more
8 years ago I remembered starting my self-development journey and making a life-changing decision, that I was going to have to take responsible for my own life and I would no longer sit around waiting for life to happen. This came about from a painful moment for me….
I spent pretty much my whole life feeling left out and always wondering if there was something more. I never wanted to settle. My family, school friends, University friends, many circles of friends since then never got me. Then never understood: why I couldn’t settle? why I wanted to travel? why I was so ambitious? I began to accept that this is how life was, that I wasn’t a confident person and that’s just how life was for me.
I struggled to adjust to London life initially after moving, low on confidence and bullied in a house share and even at times in my job, but this had happened throughout my life so I felt this was just normal and I couldn’t expect more. Happy in my current way of doing things with my job, looking to climb the corporate ladder, and happy living with my best friends in a house share, at one point it felt life was as good as it could get.
Then it felt like something was missing, I was feeling stuck, my friends started to get into relationships. You know what it’s like your friends get into relationships and it isn’t quite the same? Then I started to feel left behind and dreaded feeling left out again, my parents would phone me up and say “have you got a girlfriend yet?”, I felt the pressure and I felt like I was letting everyone down, but there wasn’t much I could do. I couldn’t help but feel if I did have a girlfriend then my life would feel better, and I would fit in more.
For a matter of months there was a girl I really liked and I felt something would happen, I started to get my hopes up as we were friends, I asked her out a couple of times and then one day WHAM! I got a text saying “It's best we stay friends because i’m getting back with my ex-boyfriend”. I had that sick feeling in my stomach, that feeling of rejection which hurt so much, (I had ended up in this situation before), but it felt different this time, I really felt lost and as if I given up hope of ever meeting anyone.
So much emotion came up for me and this time I stayed with the pain and started to realise there must be something I can do: How can I improve my confidence? How could I stop the same situations from happening? I spoke to my friends and they said “you will meet someone else” I phoned my Mum up, she said “perhaps you should try online dating?”… (Nobody wants dating advice from their own Mum :)) I opened up more and cried and said i’m not very confident and she said “well you aren’t are you.” I was confused, that nobody got me, I didn’t listen to people's advice around me because I had done this before and just knew it wouldn’t help me, that either way I was stuck and was all alone.
2. Breaking Free of the Comfort Zone and Facing your Fears
After realising in this painful moment only I was going to be able to get myself out of this situation, so I decided to take full responsibility and address all the underlying confidence issues in my life. How could I pull myself out of this hole? I remember a friend of mine became more confident by doing this course where he would speak to people on the street, try and get a girls phone number – that kind of thing. So I thought I would do it and see how it would go, I had a lot of fear. Just enrolling on this course, but it ended up giving me a lot of hope, a fresh start, something fearful.
The Turning Point – Taking Responsibility for my life
As you face your fears you come out the other side feeling great and more alive, this course was perhaps the scariest way of developing my confidence I could think of, it was what I needed. Following that weekend I felt so free and from that moment I felt like I could take control of my own life, it felt as if it was okay to be yourself, no matter where you were in life and I accepted this.
I’m quite honest with saying that in my life, I didn’t get job promotions, ended up in financial difficulty, but it seemed that heartbreak is something that hurts on such a deep level, a rejection, which can lead to some significant growth, this time I stayed with the pain and made something great happen in my life.
The Goal is to be comfortable being uncomfortable
After a while you find yourself falling back into that comfort zone you have to keep moving forward, it can be difficult as your friends keep telling you just settle, then the journey very much becomes about the people you surround yourself with. As I surrounded myself with people who were more confident and those in particular who could relate to me more and wanted more out of life, then you begin to be around the right people.
Take Control and Break out the comfort zone
After remaining stuck in a comfort zone numerous times, I realised this was just me living in fear and the that there was no point in going after what I wanted, because I wouldn’t get it. This is very much a fear based mentality and as I have now discovered there is a much better way to live in life. That fear of feeling left out, being alone, and rejected is all part of our earlier conditioning which we can chose to break free of.
3. Consistently Living out the comfort zone – Creating a community, setting up a business, achieving everything I felt would make me happy
Although I was pushing myself out my comfort zone I was finding myself in environments keeping me stuck and not getting what I really wanted. Again feeling after all this work I should have been worthy of a job promotion I didn’t get it, it was then I read the book The Four Hour Work Week and questioned did I really want to do this. As I looked deeper and reflected on the last year I felt I had completely changed as a person, and wouldn’t it be great to share this with the world and help other people.
I set up my own life coaching business on the side and created my own Meetup Group and focused on helping others. One year later I left my job and started working for myself and had all the freedom I wanted, despite the struggles and fears of being able to survive on my own I had a great system, more money, could afford a holiday or two, my dating life improved. My popularity increased jumping quickly to 1.5k Youtube subscribers and speaking in front of audiences of up to 100 people.
I then lived more centrally in a penthouse in Marble Arch, and later lived in Soho, even with making more than double the money I made in my last job I felt empty, more unhappy, my dating life and confidence fell apart again. Then another heartbreak for me lead me to rock bottom and turn to a friend of mine Jay who was a MindMastery teacher, and made me understand that I must go within to meditate, find happiness and remove negative thought patterns. I worked with her and also a friend Sam where I did a retreat for 5 days in nature in an ecolodge with no technology, healthy eating and allowing to really see the benefits of Meditation as I connected more with my emotions.
I then started to question what life was all about spending a lot of time in nature, I started to focus less on business and more on my happiness, I remember watching a video where they said to let go of all the things that you are attached to that make you happy to find true happiness. I then got rid of many of my items, let go of needing popularity, and stopped forcing a business to grow, I felt more into my heart.
4. Inner Journey – Meditation
I remember I got to a point where I had achieved many things externally I wanted, beautiful women, more money, a flat in Soho, doing talks in front of 100 people at a fancy venue, but I felt internally unfulfilled. I had many dark moments whilst working for myself for 2 years as it was lonely most of the time, I believed a woman would make me happy again and take away all my problems, then a heart breaking moment happened as someone I was dating on and off stopped responding to my messages and I felt the pain again.
I made sure this time I was going to focus on meditation as although I didn’t feel as stuck as I did all those years ago, I still felt I had to stay busy, had many fears around money, and had great fear of being on my own. The more I meditated I realised that my life was a struggle, I was fighting everyday, I wasn’t being my authentic self, I had attracted the wrong people around me, I started to go with what felt right. I knew that to be happy I had to let go of everything that made me happy so I could feel happy inside. That's what I did, I started to get rid of all my material items, put my coaching/speaking/ community on hold, leave London and take a one way ticket to Nepal.
This was probably the most nervous thing I ever did as when I got to Nepal it was a different world, the living conditions were different and basic, but it felt like there was more peace in the air. For 5 months I would meditate every day, it was great to be around very loving, peaceful people, every day it felt like being in heaven. I was so present in the moment and happier than I ever was before with nothing. I was glad I took time out, went Trekking for one month where I had the most beautiful adventure in my life on my own, did a 10 day Vipassana (silent meditation) where I found internal peace and did a one month course in Buddhism. In this course I got the answers I needed, that we suffer from attachment, and that external things are never permanent, everything is always changing so if we accept that, then we can be free. I felt I had everything I needed, and decided to head back home to share my learnings
After returning from Nepal, I felt like everyone was going to see how great I was, how peaceful I was. I stilI didn't feel like working for myself, so I took a job on minimum wage, lived my parents and at first this felt okay. I went back to London for a day to meet a girl I liked from when I moved to Nepal, and yet again the heart break happened as she didn’t want anything serious, again this was proving to be a wake up call. I then met a healer who told me I was holding out for my parents love and validation, this was keeping me stuck, I was also playing so small, and this was affecting my confidence. I did some energy healing work and cried a lot, then one day I turned around and decided to walk out of my job and trust I would end up back in London, after leaving my job I had a call from Floatworks for an interview (Floatation Tank Company), which was probably the only place I could see myself working. I made a leap of faith and moved back to London, I got that job and everything fell back into place.
Working there was a dream job as I was around amazing people, floating was something amazing, and they wanted to help people become the best versions of themselves which falls in line with my vision. I continue to do the meetups on the side. I also travelled more around cities in Europe and more of the things I liked.
I continue to break out my comfort zone and i’m continuing to make leaps of faith to live a life I truly want.
5. Healing Journey – Acceptance and Purpose – Therapy and Ayahuasca
Becoming fully aware that the reason I hold myself back is internal. I had yet again crashed and questioned why I keep running out of money, can’t stick at one thing, can’t attract the partner I want, attract negative people and situations still in my life, care about what people think and get frustrated and overwhelmed with negative self talk. Still have the confidence and self esteem issues, wanting validation, unable to express myself how I wanted and be vulnerable in front of people, I had no choice but to seek therapy. Meeting a psychotherapist and shamanic practitioner I worked though getting to the route and clearing all these issues which have been with me since childhood.
Certain Shamanic rituals such as burying a box with items which made me feel unworthy of a life I wanted to life, was the start of breakthrough changes. With my super sensitivity, I wanted to do something that would really strip away my fear and fully heal myself as a whole and I heard about Ayahuasca, many people who had done it and said it was life changing. I did this lead my to discover who I really was on a deep spiritual level. To also finally cry the tears I was never given the space to cry and feel the unconditional love, whilst letting out the anger and rage of feeling stuck and not good enough all my life. I felt more free after doing it and called to do it again a couple of months after.
I did some excellent shifting work with my therapist over a couple more months and she told me the work was done and I was able to step into my full power without being drawn to needing a male mentor or needing a partner to feel good enough. I drank Ayahuasca again, this time I went to the sheer depths of hell, feeling all of the suffering of the world, humanity, forced to feel it and with tears of dispair for around 7 hours which was torturous. It was as if it was going on forever and going darker and darker, this gave me deeper lessons, eventually leading me to purge up all my demons. After the trip I felt completely lost, alone and unloveable for a short while, I realised that I must feel the complete opposite of love, to appreciate the gift of life.
It was then I had compassion and love for all those who walk the planet and realise that my purpose is to bring light to the world, to show people true authenticity and how that is free and powerful. Then one of the most beautiful moments of my life happened I shared with everyone how I felt trapped in that darkness the next day of the ceremony and what I went through and broke down in tears as everyone seen me look distraught. I realised I had finally been able to share my feelings and cry in front of a group for the first time, which was a long goal of mine and I felt so powerful with the vulnerability, there was no holding back this time and everyone listened with open hearts. This was my biggest fear as well as going through hell, this meant I now have less fear, also I am fully aware of where the negative thoughts come from and why I feel not good enough. I was really able to feel that fear, not good enough and levels of dispair, which is ultimately what we are scared of feeling underneath. On the final ceremony I really felt the love for myself and I remember just hugging and holding myself, having self care and knowing I am the most important thing.
I just feel the love and want to share with others, I no longer feel a real urgency to force something to happen, I have faith and no fear of running out of time, I know that things will manifest when they will. This journey will continue and I am sure I will find more lessons and go through more fears but I know I am the light, and feel the ultimate confidence in who I am and want to spread joy to the world in a great community of people and have fun. We are to become the best versions of ourselves as well as create an awesome life so I hope you will come along and enjoy the journey with me.
Goal Achieved and Life Mastery
Self healed, self acceptance, open to grow, share with others and constantly step outside comfort zone. I now want to keep mastering all areas of life, so I can be fulfilled, have the relationships I want, look after myself, and do work which gives me meaning so I enjoy each day, I want to share with others the secret too.
Conclusion – Significant heartbreaks and forever out the comfort zone
The reason I broke into each of the different segments was from failures, rejection and mainly heart break, which snapped me out of my current way of doing things, each time going deeper and into a different paradigm (A different outlook of life). My goal now is to bring people into forever facing their fears until they reach this way of thinking.
Join the community
Once I went travelling on my own a few times, going to Yoga classes, and doing so much self improvement on my own, I realised its so much fun to share experiences with others, and being around other like minded people. The only way I believe we can create that truly amazing life for ourselves is with the others that we surround ourselves with and form amazing relationships with others. I never want people to feel like I once did and to only realise everyone is perfect as they are and belong in a group like this where we can be our authentic selves and thats enough. We can look to grow to be the best version of ourselves and excel in all areas of life.
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